It’s been a while since my last post.  I’ve been busy with the usual: working, changing dirty diapers, wiping snotty nose, wishing my wrinkles away in the mirror, eating chocolate for lunch, trying desperately to escape the echoes of Disney Junior theme songs (one very disturbing verse being “it’s okay if you wiggle/this will only tickle a little” from none other than Doc McStuffins).  I’ve also been busy with a little something called “The Passion Project”.

About two months ago, I emailed my good friend and yoga teacher, Maura, and said something along the lines of:

I need your help.  I think I’m in a rut.  I feel totally detached from my passions…running on empty..and just going through the motions everyday.  Dragging myself through the workday, trying to be presentfor baby and husband at night.  Drowning myself in the Real Housewives, eating crappy food, zoningout on iPhone, and smoking a cigarette here and there because I feel like it’s the only time I focus onbreathing in and out.  Haven’t been to yoga in forever.  I feel gross.  Help!  Love, Lindsay

Maura is a wonderful friend, yoga teacher, health coach, and all around igniter of fire under the ass. (www.mauramanzo.com)  I didn’t know what I needed, but I knew she could help.  In short, when we met, she asked me to create a huge list of my passions.  With her help, I narrowed the list down to five things that absolutely lit me up inside.  And then the challenge was this…Any time there is a choice, decision, or opportunity, choose in favor of what supports your passions.  I decided to try this challenge for the next two weeks to see how things would change.  Maybe I would take the time to close my door to eat lunch instead of realizing it was 3:00 and the last thing I ate was dinner the night before.  Maybe I would make it to yoga more often.  Maybe I would be a more patient mother and wife.  Maybe I’d say “no” more to people instead of spreading myself too thin.  I didn’t know what would come out of “The Passion Project”, but I was ready to commit.

Just because one of my passions is traveling the world to immerse myself in other cultures doesn’t mean I ended up on a vacation in the next two weeks.  What the Project did for me was raise my awareness around being “plugged in” and realizing that in some small way, at every moment, I had the option of choosing in favor of my passions.  It felt empowering.  And just the fact that I had reached out to a friend to make a plan had pulled me out of my rut.  I wasn’t rolling around in my melancholy all by myself.  Someone else was around to check in on my progress.  Somewhere around the second week, I was trying to focus on my passion of “being transparent in all aspects of life” when I suddenly found myself in my boss’s office telling her that, in an effort to be open and honest, I felt that my journey in my current position had run its course.  That I didn’t have a new job, but I was going out on a limb and turning in my notice and my plan was to start interviewing.  Suddenly the “plugging in” that this Project required had led me to a place where I was being transparent enough to admit I was ready for the next step in my life.  And I was saying it out loud without a plan of what that next step was.

My boss and co-workers supported me in my transparency and in my decision to take this chance.  There was a part of me that was scared to put myself out there and to leave my current job.  I’ve had six years of wonderful experiences and awesome friendships.  But I also felt relieved to go all in on something that felt right in my gut.  A month after turning in my notice, I accepted a new position and I’m so excited to see where this decision will take me.

I hope one day, I can force my teenage son into a conversation that he would much rather not be having in order to recount how his mother took risks to be fully alive and made decisions to take responsibility for her own happiness.  Having a kid puts you in touch with your own mortality.  And not just because you are always dead tired, but because you start to live for someone else and start to consider what kind of example you want to be for the years you have left.  Lord knows I have to work hard on these positive examples to offset the other ones…like how Pinot Grigio is also known as “Mommy’s juice”.

Advertisements